Stepping Into My Calling

Recently my friend Tina asked me to speak to the Parents of Addicted Loved Ones (PALs), a group of folks who are in the midst of the anguish and darkness called addiction. I thought “what could I possibly have to share with these people who feel their family situation is nothing short of hopeless?”  I’m accustomed to speaking from my heart to rooms of alcoholics and addicts but have never shared my story with a room full of the family members who, in their own way, are severely affected by the disease of addiction.  I was asked to share my story of hope with them so that they could see firsthand the miracle of recovery.

To prepare for my time with them, I started thinking about how my own addiction had affected my husband mostly, but also my immediate and also extended family.  Everyone who loved me was somehow tortured by the choices I was making and the monster that lived inside my mind. Preparing for this talk caused me to look back on my past and see it from a completely different perspective. I was able to see from my husband’s point of view, the point of view from my parents and siblings, and aunts and uncles with whom I was close. I imagine watching me walk (or stagger really) down a path of destruction was a horribly difficult and very scary thing for all of them. Everyone who loved me was impacted in some way.

I had a fair amount of anxiety arriving at the gathering, still thinking I had nothing helpful to share with this group. I was nervous that they were armed with rotten tomatoes and ready to throw them at someone from the ‘other side’. I couldn’t have been more wrong. They were kind and loving toward me. They listened intently and asked questions about how I escaped the madness. They were very interested in our family dynamic, both during my active addiction and through my recovery and beyond. I was able to share what worked and probably more importantly what didn’t work. We spoke openly about the insanity that overcomes a family during active addiction and we laughed and sometimes cried about what we’d all been through. Most attendees were still in what we call the ‘madness’ phase – watching their loved ones fighting what seemed a losing battle with drugs, alcohol, gambling.

I shared with them the team development, organizational development, conflict resolution that our practice does for organizations and mentioned the one-on-one coaching. Our 90-minute session was nearing an end when a lady asked if our practice offered family coaching. Another lady said, ‘oh yes, that is what we’d like to have too!” It was a request I had never considered.

I left there with a completely different attitude about why I was called to speak that evening. The thought of helping families in a ‘coaching’ role kept playing through my mind. Was this something we could do as a practice?  Is this something I am called to do? Is this the reason the universe made it so effortless to join these two amazing women? Do I have enough experience to really help these people who seemed interested in getting better? Could the tools we use with teams and organizations be helpful to individuals and their families? 

As we discerned what had transpired, we decided that yes, I am the person who can lead this effort and step into this role. The pain of the past and the way out is something that must be shared with others. The wisdom of my lived experience is deep and rich…I have the presence and insight to share with families to help them navigate uncharted waters and troubled times. I need to do my part to stop the stigma and shine light on this subject. We do recover. We have the power to help others.

If my story resonated with you or you’re experiencing addiction in your family and you’d like to talk, please let me know.