You Matter More than You Think… A Reflection on Accountability

In November 2023, Kristi and I jumped in the car for a road trip to Columbus for a speaking engagement at the Ohio Association of County Boards.  They reached out to our practice to address the challenges faced by professionals working with individuals with developmental disabilities in Ohio.  Each audience member came with their own unique challenges in various management hurdles like navigating hierarchy, combating burnout, retaining good employees, and fostering accountability. Sound familiar?

As Kristi engaged with the audience, she skillfully unraveled the intricate concept of personal accountability, drawing on her wealth of experiences…both personal and professional. She quickly shattered the popular notion of Gandhi’s quote “Be the change you wish you see in the world.”  Shorthand for a longer quote that said, “We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a [person] changes [their] own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards [them]. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.”  Of course, the shortened paraphrasing of the quote is easy to use on mugs and posters, but it misses a more nuanced and profound truth that personal transformation is the cornerstone of effecting change in the world around us. Including on our teams.

This leads us to fractals – never ending, repeating patterns in nature and math (think petals on a flower, snowflakes, rings on a tree, a nautilus shell). As Kristi was speaking, the audience was beginning to wonder where she was going with this.  Keep reading. She gave an example we’ve all experienced in our life: You walk into a room and someone is furious, stark raving mad.  You can feel it before they even open their mouth.  On the flipside, you walk into a room with a warm, welcoming individual – you can feel that too.  The audience began to nod their heads in agreement, understanding that we live in an energetic and relational world.  The energy that we bring to our work matters.  So, Kristi continues, rather than seeking to change others, a fractal view starts with ourselves.  She offered an invitation to change yourself – rather than changing the paradigm, be the paradigm. Change yourself.  But how?  Just as these small patterns repeat and scale up, the same thing can happen in our own life. If our actions at all levels are consistent with our values, we can transform our relationships and create new patterns that ripple outward.

One of the central messages Kristi emphasized was the importance of confronting our own freedom to choose how we respond to life’s challenges. She shared poignant examples from her own life, highlighting how she navigated through personal hardships while maintaining a commitment to embracing all that life had to offer. This message resonated with the audience, prompting reflection on the ways in which our personal experiences shape our leadership style.

Kristi introduced the concept of leadership as an inside job, emphasizing that true transformation begins with self-transformation. She challenged the audience to consider how their internal state reflects outwardly in their leadership and team dynamics. This notion sparked conversations about the role of personal growth in driving organizational change and fostering a culture of accountability. The group was asked, “What’s one of your self-limiting beliefs? A message or story you tell yourself that gets you stuck every time?” As a reader, I challenge you to answer the same question Kristi asked the room.  Do you take on additional work without support? Do you say no to something because of scarcity? Do you say yes (even if you know you shouldn’t)? When life gets hard, as we know it does, you must remember that everything is happening FOR us, not to us.  What does that mean?

Kristi explained to her, now captive, listeners that when something happens TO you, you are a victim and powerless.  But, when it happens FOR you, you are in the driver seat, you embrace your power of choice in every single moment. This is not easy. Though I knew what Kristi would be talking about (we practiced on the drive up!) I was reflecting as well. What stuck with me was that sometimes, you don’t like either option. Currently, I am planning a wedding with divorced parents. As the oldest child, I’m the first one wading into these dynamics…and it means it’s my parents’ first time too. This presents many challenges, balancing a joyous, celebratory event with stickiness between my parents and our evolving relationships.  But, when I recognize that I have the power to choose, even when the two options are less than ideal, I am still in control of my own destiny and have the freedom to create my own life.  Let me tell you – this is hard.  But I realized that the discomfort of the gift is growth. I’m learning boundaries, stepping into difficult conversations, and reinventing connections with my parents as I evolve into a new level of independence.

Whether it be choosing accountability in your personal life or at work, it can be hard to consistently practice. As Kristi reminded everyone in the room that day: ‘we always get to choose’. When you are accountable for your own action, and inaction, you are no longer able to hide or be a victim of circumstance. By sharing her own journey and insights, she inspired me to confront my freedom to choose.