Resilience

We’ve all heard the old adage, “Bad things happen to good people.”  Each of us possesses an amazing capacity to turn these inevitable life experiences into hope or hopelessness.  We get to choose.

What is the difference between those people who choose hope and those who choose hopelessness in the midst of personal tragedy?  I think it is as simple as resilience, in other words, our innate ability to turn any experience into an opportunity for growth.  Resilience is one of those human abilities that we know when we see it.

Several months ago, I realized that I had not seen one of my neighbors in quite awhile. I say, ‘quite awhile’ because embarrassingly enough, in my sometimes, frantic existence, it may have taken me longer to notice his absence than even I would like to admit. I mostly ran into him on the sidewalk as he was calling one of his cats or in the midst of one house project or another.  I knew two things about him:  he is a kind man and he loves his cats.  As his absence grew more obvious, I began to ask around if others had seen him.  And then, I ran into him at Starbucks.  Whether out of concern, kindness or straight nosiness, I immediately approached him.

Upon first glance, I noticed that he was a mire shadow of his former self, gaunt, frail and then there was the cane leaning on the table next to him.  My initial thought was that he had a stroke.  A simple question of concern revealed that he was in a terrible bicycle accident where he found himself in a coma after being hit by a car. My guess is that whether or not he would recover was at best touch and go immediately following the accident.  He spent several months in a rehab unit and by all intents and purposes had a miraculous recovery. And in spite of it all, he was JOYFUL.  Here was a man who did not have full mobility, whose life was irrevocably changed, and who had every right to wallow in depression.  Instead his essence was one of gracious – gratitude for being alive.  His smile was as caring and genuine as a smile could be.

Resilience.  It’s not what happens to us, it’s what we do with it that matters.  Coincidence or chance, we get to choose what meaning we make out of our life experiences, big or small.  I admire my neighbor’s choice to experience each day with a zest for life. Every time I have seen him since, even while attempting to shovel his car out of ice with the cane resting on his rearview mirror (yes, we ran to help him!), he radiates a gratitude that is unparalleled.

Resilience is not just about how we respond to major life events or tragedies, it is also an attitude that we embody in the ebb and flow of daily living.  We can transform tragedy into courage, isolation into solitude, a lost opportunity into aspiration, shame into laughter and trauma into unwavering strength.  That’s right, we get to choose.

Make everyday another opportunity to be resilient.  What is your story of resilience?