Perfectionism Isn’t Excellence. It’s Protection.

Perfectionism is not simply a personality trait. It is a protective response that can quietly undermine leadership, team wellbeing, and our own sense of peace. Kate McCracken explores how leaders can recognize perfectionist patterns, accept the discomfort of real-world constraints, and choose thoughtful, sustainable progress over impossible standards.

I was sitting on the edge of the overstuffed navy velvet couch in my posh therapist’s office, gazing out the window, like I do when I do all my best processing. I heard myself asking my therapist for her opinion. My question started with “how important is it for me to learn to…” [insert squealing brakes sound here], when I caught myself in the act. I could see myself so clearly in that moment. There I was: in therapy. I had just barely started processing a big new insight, and I was trying to skip to the end. I was about to ask my therapist to help me make a mental inventory of the things I needed to know and do to make sure I never ended up in another difficult situation. I was observing myself, a self proclaimed recovering perfectionist, do what we do best: grasping for perfection. 

Perfectionism, your favorite personality trait from the 90s is not really your personality at all. It’s a protective mechanism. A way your brain learned to be hyper-vigilant, to be on guard, to be relentless until every potential success was realized, all to keep you alive. I know that sounds dramatic, but I’m being literal. Our brains are programmed to take what happened in the past, store the essential bits of information (what harmed us and what did not), and create quick response systems that categorize and respond to what you are experiencing now. The brain doesn’t do a great job of discerning how different types of harm connect to survival, so it isn’t aware that the snub by a crush at a party in middle school isn’t the same amount of life-threatening as being face-to-face with a bear in the forest. Imminent threats get the most attention and most of us perceive our death to be far in the future. As a result, the day to day relational threats get the attention. You are likely to try harder to do everything you can to please others so they won’t reject you than try to take care of your one, temporary body that is actually keeping you alive. 

If perfectionism is protecting you, what’s wrong with that? First, nothing. Nothing is wrong. It just is a reality of being human, and you get to choose what you do with it. 

The catch is, perfectionism is causing harm. To the people you lead, and to you. We think that perfectionism prevents failure – it does not. It prevents peace. It keeps us trapped in an unending loop of pursuit of what can never actually be achieved or realized. Shunryu Suzuki, a Zen Buddhist Monk is known to have said “each of you is perfect the way you are… and you can use a little improvement.” That koan is perfect place to start and end. Both are true. You are either already perfect (in the highest sense) or you never will be. Either way, it would likely serve you to stop trying so hard to be something you already are or something you can never be. 

“Each of you is perfect the way you are … and you can use a little improvement.”

Shunryu Suzuki

As leaders, even when we think we are only applying our perfectionism to ourselves, it impacts our teams and organizations. They see us holding ourselves to an impossibly high standard and they do the same, either by running themselves ragged trying to achieve the impossible (perfection) or by giving up before they’ve even started because they know the goal is not achievable. 

Here’s the toughest part of all. Resisting the allure of perfectionism is also something that cannot be done perfectly. We will call ourselves “recovering perfectionists” and then catch ourselves reaching for perfectionist behavior when we feel out of control. The antidote to perfectionism is not throwing your hands up and not caring. It’s not willful neglect or ignorance. Those approaches would also be damaging. The antidote is, like most things: clear seeing and acceptance. 

When you can intentionally use your attention to widen your view (beyond the mental shortcuts your brain loves) you can see the realities of a situation. In a work project that might be seeing the actual constraints of timeline and budget, understanding that there is a “good enough” version that gets the outcome you seek on time and without draining people, and it means seeing your own discomfort with working within constraints or what it means about you to lead a team that produces the minimum viable product instead of the exceptional one. When you see all of the levers that are likely to trigger perfectionism in you, that’s your chance to change the way they impact you by accepting them. Accept doesn’t mean you have to like it, or even feel good doing it. Accept just means accept. 

Accept doesn’t mean you have to like it, or even feel good doing it. Accept just means accept.

You can help yourself accept a difficult situation by saying it aloud: there is not enough time to complete this project with three different designs, we’ll need to pick the one we think will work the best. Or: I am uncomfortable delivering something to our senior leaders that only answers what was asked and does not go above and beyond. Or even: I slipped back into perfectionism this week. I was so tired and felt worried I wouldn’t get what I needed done so I pushed myself too hard and I’m wrung out. 

Say it, and then do the imperfect thing anyway. Be imperfect. The truth is, as a leader, a parent, a friend, a neighbor… you already were imperfect. And you already were accepted, loved, and respected as you are. 

About the Author

Kate McCracken (she/they) is a leadership coach, consultant, and change facilitator who helps leaders see what is happening beneath the surface and move forward with greater clarity, courage, and care. Drawing on more than 20 years of leadership and organizational development experience, Kate brings steadfast gentleness, grounded wisdom, and a loving but firm mirror to individuals, teams, and organizations navigating change. She is also the author of the LinkedIn newsletter Ask Kate, where she answers real leadership questions with practical, soulful guidance. Have a question for Kate? Submit it at bit.ly/askkateform. Read more about Kate.