Not Exempt.
Kamaria Wilson. 26-years-old. Black. Female.
Do I fit the description?
Many of you who know me personally would say I don’t— I’m exempt from the racism, prejudice, and bigotry directed toward my Black people and currently at the forefront of the country’s attention. From the outside looking in, I’m an example of the pull yourself up by your bootstraps ideal—work hard, and you will be successful. What you don’t know is that no matter how successful I become or how hard I work; I am not exempt, simply because I fit the description. I am Black. This is the reality of our daily lives.
From a child, it was ingrained in me: You are always representing our family. You are always representing our people. Behave appropriately. This has been a heavy burden to carry throughout my years. As a child, I went to predominantly white schools starting in elementary school, seeking the finest education available, which left me as one of few and sometimes the only minority in the room. Imagine the conversations…learning about the Civil Rights Era and discussing how Black people felt during these times and all eyes turn to me to be the sole voice for all my people. How could little ole’ me speak for all Black people? I couldn’t fathom why or how this was expected of me. Fast forward to junior high. I left the private school I was attending after my parent’s divorce to attend a suburban public school. My mother and I visited my new school to sort out my class schedule before the start of the school year. My new school counselor refused to place me in the appropriate math class despite my mother informing her that my previous school was advanced by two levels in math. She also refused to place me in the “gifted and talented” program, which was their equivalent of an honors program because students like me are usually unable to handle the workload and need more support. Thankfully, my mother, knowing the public school system, was able to successfully advocate for me and demanded that I be allowed to take a placement test to determine if I was an adequate fit both for the gifted and talented program and an advanced math class. I passed the testing with flying colors and was placed in both classes, without so much as an apology or acknowledgement from the school counselor. Micro and macroaggressions continued throughout my junior high and high school years, incessantly.
College was my way out. I never wanted to feel stuck in my small town and I yearned to be surrounded by ambitious and successful people who looked like me. When I decided to attend UC, I felt at home, like all my hard work paid off and I could finally be at peace. Little did I know, this was not the case. Upon my acceptance into UC, I was selected to participate in one of the elite honors programs in the Lindner College of Business, leaving me (once again) as the only minority in the room. My fondest memory in the program is one of my professors, a local HR consultant, who taught our leadership seminar. He reached out to me directly prior to one of our class sessions to let me know that we would be discussing racism and the Civil Rights Era, that he supported me and my people fully, and if I felt any discomfort during the conversation to take care of myself any way I needed to. I was in tears reading his email because this was the first time in 20+ years that an instructor acknowledged the discomfort and empathized with my connection to it, the hurt that lies in my heart for this deplorable American history, especially as the only Black person in the room. Despite his loving spirit, I still received the comments that I had so hoped were memories throughout the remainder of my college experience:
- What sport did you play to get into UC?
- You must have gotten in UC because of affirmative action.
- The honors program needed to meet their minority quota.
- Your family must be proud that you’re the first one with an education.
These, amongst a host of others, all untrue.
I will never forget the talks with my parents. Not the birds and the bees, but the talks that exists in so many Black households across the country. Some people will judge you without taking the chance to get to know you because of the color of your skin. You are not a token, do not let anyone treat you as such. Because of the color of your skin, you must work harder to achieve the same things. Because of the color of your skin, you have to put on your “mask” to excel. Do not touch or pick up unnecessary items in stores, even if you’re just looking. If you need to look through your purse while in a store, do so in an open area, away from products, to avoid being mistaken for stealing. Just because your friends can do x does not mean you can too, it does not work like that for us. Because of the color of your skin, when you encounter a police officer, do whatever is necessary to make it home alive. ALWAYS keep your hands visible. Have both hands on the steering wheel prior to the officer approaching the car. Move slowly, very slowly when reaching for anything and only reach after being instructed to do so. Over explain what you are about to reach for, where it is and what hand you will be moving to get it before and while making said movement. Have license and registration easily accessible, at all times so you never have to rummage for it. You can do everything right and still lose your life, unjustly. Be safe!
As a fully law-abiding citizen, my heart races and I am worried anytime I hear sirens or see the flashing lights of a police car. Why? Because a routine traffic stop has the potential to turn into my last breaths because I fit the description. I am not exempt. I do not feel safe or protected by the police. And yes, there are good officers who do not abuse their authority or allow their biases to seep into their being as they protect and serve. This is problematic because as a Black person, do I want to roll the dice to figure out if I encountered the good officer or the bad one today? Especially when the cost could be my life? I don’t.
In light of the George Floyd’s murder, among so many other names who will never be forgotten, I found myself tearful, reflecting on how thankful I am for the friends that I made throughout my college experience, the ones who are not Black. They have been vocal! They are tired, with me, and refuse to remain complacent. They are my allies, even though they will never fully understand my experience or have the answers to make everything right. They refuse to let me stand alone because they know that I and so many others are not exempt. As one of my close friends sympathized with me, she noted how surprised she was that so many of her Black friends were expressing their gratitude toward her for speaking up. “It should be standard to have the decency to treat Black people equally and speak out when that standard is not upheld,” she said. Regrettably, though it should be standard, this is not our normal. I cannot count how many times I have thanked my friends for treating me well because of the countless experiences where I wasn’t or for standing up because of the countless times I was standing alone.
This burden is HEAVY. We mourn each loss as if it were a loved one, frankly, because it very well could’ve been. We need help carrying this burden, allies in bringing about change.
How can you be a better ally?
- Check your privilege. Challenge your personal biases and assumptions.
- Educate yourself. Ask questions to understand, not respond. Ask what we need from you.
- Create a safe space for Black existence and Black voices to be heard. Use your privilege to amplify those voices.
- Refuse to be silent or turn a blind eye. Speak up against injustices. Stand with us.
Please! SEE OUR BLACKNESS AND EMBRACE IT. Understand the value that it holds, the culture and the richness it brings to your experiences with us. The love, achievement, resilience that is imbedded in our beings—from our Blackness.
This is EXCELLENT……This needs to be placed ALL OVER …..!!! Thanks for Sharing
Thank you Ms. Rosalind! Glad you appreciated me sharing my story.
That was well said. This is your cousin Deanie, Anna daughter. We are really proud of you.
Love you ?
Thank you Deanie! I love you too.
Kamaria,
I want you to know that I am not perfect and can do better myself, so I’m personally committed to your “How can you be a better ally” list above. You’re right, I can’t say I fully understand how you feel or why some people act the way they act.
We raised our family to love all people…..not to see skin color, but to see the goodness inside. I believe that the vast majority of people regardless of skin color have that goodness inside. Unfortunately, not all have it.
Michaela thinks the world of you and your entire family…..which is no surprise, because of that goodness inside!
I also feel the same about our law enforcement, regardless of their skin color, that the vast majority wake up every morning honored to serve and protect their respective communities. Unfortunately, there are others that lack that goodness inside. The Minneapolis officer that took the life of George Floyd lacked that goodness inside and for that I’m saddened.
I applaud you for standing up…..
Robert
Thank you so much for raising Michaela to be the woman that she is. She is definitely one of the friends that came to mind! More than anything, I value her vulnerability and willingness to ask questions and learn about what she doesn’t know. Thank you for instilling that in her!
Hi Kamaria! I work with Your Grandma, Bernetta. I feel like you were describing my life. This is so perfectly written. I plan to share with my friends and family. I also have a friend who is clueless about our race and what we endure. I will definitely share with her. Thank you for being a spokesperson for us!
Hi Ms. Blanchard! This is the life of so many of us. Our experiences are often unexpected because we are the “only one in the room” and so many people assume that we are exempt. I hope this helps to illustrate some of our struggles to your friend.
Very well said, some of the issues one must endure. (Reaction, Distractions equals Action).
Thank you!
Pat Jones
June 13,2020
This was so well done! Don’t know you personally, but feel very proud of you and grateful that you shared your life’s experiences. Once again, excellent,!
Thank you! I appreciate it.
So vividly written… Great Job in conveying what it’s really like!!! My children were subjected to the same “only one- ness” too. Thanks for being that shining star dear one ❣
Making it through the “only one-ness” can be lonely and trying, but we make it through without letting it dim our shine! Thank you.
This was so moving!!!! And an amazing read! I love you cousin! ✊?
Thank you!!! I love you too cousin.
You articulated so well and so profoundly what it’s like to be black. Thank you for sharing your story with us, and inspiring us to speak up as well. Our allies are great, however we are black every day, not just for a week or a month. Hopefully they will learn this and not let their spirited alliance voices dwindle down. Love you!
Thank you. I’m grateful that my friends, my allies, are the ones who constantly speak up and continuously seek to educate themselves, regardless of the social climate. This is definitely a blessing and I can only hope that more of our allies continue to do the same! Love you too.
Kamaria. Nick Partie shared your story with me. Very sad and touching. I do remember when I reached out to you prior to a session where I discussed Civil Rights of the 1960s & 1970s. I wanted to tell the story…but did not wish to place you in an awkward position. I remember your response was: “Please go ahead…students need to hear this.” You were / are right. As difficult as these past few weeks have been…I do sense a much different ‘vibe’ in the air. Sam Cooke said…56 years ago…’A Change is Gonna Come.’ It took WAY too long…but I do sense the ‘Change’ is here. Hope so, anyway. I send my love and respect to you. You are making a difference. Bill Bagley
I’m glad Nick passed this along to you! I so appreciate encountering you along my journey and the lasting impact that you had on me. I would have to agree that though it did take too long, the vibe is definitely different.
I hope you are doing well and I can continue to carry on your legacy and teachings!
Excellent Article Kamaria….I am going to Share with all of my Children…..and anyone else I can think of….This needs to be seen by everyone…!!!!!!