Change Is Inevitable, How to Make it Tolerable

For years, I walked around telling people how much I liked change. I bore easily and tire of maintaining things. I like newness and the spark of building something for the first time or transforming things for the better. Truth is, I loved changes that I was in control of. That control was an illusion, but that’s another story. Change is inevitable and constant, and most of the time, we don’t get to choose which changes we participate in or not. If change is going to keep on happening (I promise you it will), we might want to become friends with it. 

Start at the Foundation

Your first step to becoming friends with change is to ask: how well are you taking care of yourself? Your capacity to thrive in change, or even just tolerate it, absolutely starts with the quality of your sleep, your level of hydration, how many hours a day you spend putting off meals and pushing through the hunger to get the project done, how much you’re able to move your body in joyful ways, the quality of your relationships where you find safety, connection, and expression. I know that sounds like a lot, but the good news is that it is all interconnected. Pick one thing to focus on and watch how it influences the others: when I get outside and get moving, I notice the impacts on my sleep immediately – I fall asleep faster and stay asleep. When I am conscious about drinking water, I notice my energy to get up and moving amplifies. When I feed my body, I feel that much more capable of showing up for a friend in need without feeling depleted. 

Recognize the Change Cycle 

The human experience of change is not all that different from the human experience of grief. Change is a loss of the way things were, and loss is always followed by something new, but it can be hard to welcome in the new if the loss has not been honored and expressed. Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ stages of grief speak to the same stages we move through when experiencing change: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It’s worth noting that the stages are not linear or predictable, and not every person experiences them the same way. I’m sure you’ve experienced or observed someone avoiding change by pretending it does not exist (denial), fighting back against change by insisting it’s the wrong thing to do (anger), using all of their social capital to maintain the status quo (bargaining), or completely shutting down and losing all motivation in the face of change (depression). Ideally, we end at acceptance, but it’s not a guarantee. Sometimes one of the other stages pops up again when we least expect it. The way through: recognize it, name it, honor it. It is far more likely to move through you with ease when you aren’t resisting or judging it. 

Unknowns are Opportunities

The magic of change is that while we may have grown comfortable in what we experience day to day, we are also often tolerating something that is not as good as it can be for us. I recall believing that one of my early career roles, where I had great colleagues, flexibility to care for my family, a mission I cared about, and fun work, was as good as it could get. When I was laid off, I was devastated. In my next role, I got all of the same benefits plus more compensation and development resources. If I had remained trapped in unprocessed grief about the loss of the last job, I would not have been able to meet the moment when the next opportunity came along. The bigger the change, the more unknowns, and the more potential for the transformation you’ve been hungry for.

When everything feels like it is falling apart, what better time to rebuild it exactly as you’ve always wanted it to be? It’s not going to be easy. It helps if you’re hydrated.